You and Confidence!
We all want to feel more confidence don’t we? We all know people that appear to have all the confidence in the world – nothing seems to phase or worry them – but under the surface even they feel anxious about certain areas of their lives. So what exactly is Confidence, you can’t see it, touch it or taste it. So what is it?
Confidence is a word that is often used to describe how you or someone else feels in a certain situation. I very much doubt that there are many people that feel confident all the time in every situation that arises.
How would you describe confidence?
Is it a feeling of wellbeing?
Having good self esteem?
Knowing your “stuff”?
Feeling calm under pressure?
Or is it a state of mind?
The list could go on and on, because everyone has their own idea of what it is to feel confident, so perhaps it would be better to ask what the opposite of being confident is?
It’s all about you…
In my experience of helping my clients to feel confident I offer you this explanation.
The opposite of feeling confidence is being self conscious.
Just take a minute or two to consider that statement….
You are being conscious of your “self”
How often do you feel conscious of your self when in stressful or unfamiliar situations?
Are you worrying about how you sound, look, or come across to others?
Do you think that people are judging you and that you are coming up short?
Do you feel that you are not good enough?
All these thoughts and thousands more run through our minds more often than we like to think.
All we are thinking about is our illusory selves.
But here is the real conundrum….
You don’t exist!
Yes I do you protest!
Of course you are a solid form, a body, mind and soul. That is a given. The part that isn’t real is the self you think lacks confidence.
The way you think of your “self” is a story that you have made up to live your life by, it is your ego. Everything you have seen, heard, felt, tasted, experienced and done makes up your self, your ego.
That self doesn’t have a solid form or shape, and it changes constantly depending on the situation you find your “self” in. It changes with your thinking.
You think you are safe and your “self” feels ok. Feel out of your depth and the doubts start to creep in and your “self” feels anxious, stressed or worried .
You create your “self” and how it appears thought by thought.
You’re being conscious of a self that doesn’t exist!
Fears and Phobias
Your self is constantly changing and updating and rewriting itself.
For example lets take the case of one of my clients that had a phobia of dogs. He was fine as a child with dogs, until a few years ago when he was cornered by an aggressive animal. That incident rewrote his story about dogs, until then they were friendly creatures that were nice to stroke and pet.
One solitary dog from the many thousands in his town reacted agressively towards him. He was taken aback and it frightened him, and with good cause. However it changed the way he saw all dogs, large or small. His egoic self regarded all dogs as dangerous to try and protect him from future similar situations.
Luckily for him we managed to reprogram his mind so that he viewed that incident as a one off, and that the likelihood of it ever happening again is minuscule.
He changed his story and restored his confidence around dogs.
The Confident you…
So as with fears and phobias it is with confidence.
Your story can be rewritten to reflect a different self assured you.
Lack of confidence is all in your mind!
The thing to remember is human beings are learning machines We never stop learning, updating our skills, and becoming better at what we do.
Think back to when you were at school, you have a memory of what you were like back then, of who you thought you were. That’s not the same you now. You have updated your story of your “self” to reflect the adult you now are.
So the good news is you don’t have to live with anxiety, low self esteem, worry or stressful negative thoughts – you just need to write a new story about you…
I can help you rewrite your story…
My passion is helping people to write a new story and become more confident in all areas of their lives.
If you feel that you need a helping hand call me on 07810 877158 or email me firstname.lastname@example.org to see if I can help you. A chat costs nothing and it may just be the best thing you ever did…